the day cannot be found

the date

 the name of it

january 26

and i feel jealous every time i see a woman in one of neal casal’s photos

and i relish this!

life, right then, is presenting itself as a wave in the belly of this body and a thought of i-wish-i-was-that-girl or whatever it is (wow, to look now, might actually cancel this, making this whole deal moot but still! how delightful!).

i feel like i’m pushing myself in some ways to see through it all in order not to … what? it’s like i’m counting down days and yet 100% right what?

i sort of want to brush my teeth again now that i’ve had that cough drop.

will i stay home and rest tomorrow?

what will i eat